remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
