but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
