I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this will be a night to untag.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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