what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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