Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
