If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
