she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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