we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
