My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
