you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
