His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
