At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
