how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
