If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
