So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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