I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
