Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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