A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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