You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
