Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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