For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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