farters have to be the big spoon...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
