Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
