she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
