Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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