please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
