Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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