Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
