That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
