Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
