all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
