I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
