I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
