she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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