Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
