Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
