Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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