Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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