Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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