omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Blood and glitter go together right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
