sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
