Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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