waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
