Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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