I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
