Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
