There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
