It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
