ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
