R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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