I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
