he thought i was a dude.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
