dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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