So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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