that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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