If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
