im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
