the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
