sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
