i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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