apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
