I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
